I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
