You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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