I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
