those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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