Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
