Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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