I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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