apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
