My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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