If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
