Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
