oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
