Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
