I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
