the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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