dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
