Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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