Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
