I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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