I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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