Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
