I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you would pick up someone in the library
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
