Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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