Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Randomize
