Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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