It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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