i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
