This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
