she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
