That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
