So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Bring me that man meat
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize