why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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