I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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