You're completely useless in the revolution.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So much Jack, so little girl.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
