fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
