I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
