he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
