Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
