So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
