Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
