dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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