Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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