Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
