just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
