Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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