he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
