I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
