You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
