I heard we made out
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
