I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize