It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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