Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
