i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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