My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
