If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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