We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize