Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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