I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
