never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
