Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
