6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
