I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Randomize
