I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
