I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
