I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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