in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
