They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
