I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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