You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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