I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
