At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
