im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
