How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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