i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
