So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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