pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
