YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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