Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
