ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
