I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
