My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
