Screwed.edu
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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