piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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